Time to reflect
It really is crazy how life can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye, and all those that are effected. From loved ones and family members to people that once were a part of your life and your world and paths have gone a different direction. Where I am going with this is literally addressing something many in my world didn’t know was going on because it wasn’t my story to tell, but I do want to share now because my heart is breaking not only personally but for Addison my stepdaughter and her shattered world, not to mention Sean’s current family (wife and child) and his circle of friends/students/co-workers.
Years ago my senior year of high school I met my Spanish teacher and his name was Mr. Harris. People always ask if anything happened with us before I had graduated and that was most certainly not the case. I reconnected with “Mr.Harris” in Lawrence, KS my first day of KU as we headed out to the bars. From my first day at the University of Kansas on I was quite smitten by seeing Mr. Harris in a different light, and not as my teacher, but more as this cute short dude that really was a pain in the ass but damned funny at the end of the day.
This was Addison’s move in day at college KU
I can save all the in between details of I dated and spent the next 20 years with Sean Harris and we were married 12 years into our dating and then were married for 8 years. I grew up alongside Sean and most certainly grew up myself along side his amazing daughter Addison. She is the best gift he ever gave me, and being able to watch her grow from a toddler to an amazing human at 31 that I genuinely enjoy as a human and have always loved to spend time with.
18 years ago I remember loosing my dad and Addison was 13 ish at the time and really wasn't understanding my grief (of course she wouldn’t) and I remember saying to her, “I pray you never feel this pain I am feeling at 30 years of age”, knowing I won’t get to see my dad again. Well, fast forward, and Addison had to encounter more pain in my opinion because she has been alongside her dad the past two years as he has had a rough battle with cancer and treatments, and the decline of his health, and today Sean gave up his fight of cancer leaving Addison and a new family including a new wife and son.
He was the other half of my world for half of my life, and I gotta admit, our divorce wasn’t a friendly one and we didn't remotely get along in the end. And for the past two years, I have not communicated with Sean nor have seen him unfortunately. So when people say sometimes you really do need closure…I might agree with that. Never when I was arguing across a table with attorneys would I think that is the last time I would see him or interact with him. It leaves a LOT internally off in me and feels so weird to have this piece of my former life gone, without any goodbyes or closure.
Many of you read this have also been part of my life for as long as I can remember and many of you may not have known he was sick and I’m sorry. When Sean and I’s chapter closed our paths literally went opposite directions and we didn’t look back. Many of you may have seen him and spent more time with him in the last 9 years, let alone have a chance to say good bye to him while he was on this earth. I didn’t, and if it weren’t for sharing Addison and her partner Lou, I wouldn’t know much about Sean’s world. because we are in such different ones.
Say some extra prayers for those that loved Sean and are just broken tonight. I know the pain Addison is feeling and I would have never thought she would be experiencing this soon and this young. Not to mention his wife and baby son and all that goes along with a parent leaving a young child behind. All of it is heart breaking and at least Sean is now not in pain and suffering.
So hug those you love a little longer, and please remember to tell those you love and have been important to you while you have the chance and not have regrets. I’m not sure what I would have said or can’t even imagine the interaction if Sean and I had an exchange, but I know it would have to feel better then what this feels like.
I am choosing to remember the amazing memories I have over the years as Addison was growing up and the laughter that filled the house. That was the Sean I knew and loved and we created some amazing chapters in our life, and never did I think our chapters would end like this and oh so differently then one thinks.
I hope my dad and Sean are already having a fireball (their nickname for their drinks) and telling fishing stories and catching up, not to mention my bestie Emily Stueve who I know was waiting for him to talk crap the minute she could about all that has been going on since she passed and what the hell was he doing dying too??!!!
xoxo,
Jenny
